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Episode 43: Chief the Chief
Dick and Johnson are at home, taking their chute system to go into the kitchen for a jar of honey. Arriving there, they play a regular game of velociraptor and forget the reason that brought them to the kitchen. The red phone rings as the Chief calls. A friend of the Chief's, the chief of police of Brooklyn, New York, also called Chief, requires help in an undercover mission in a local high school. Since the Chief owes Chief a favor, he assigns Dick and Johnson on the mission. Thinking of how to travel north, Dick calls their friend Alicia Keys to ask her to give the two a ride in Vanessa Carlton's piano car while covering her song, but she refuses. After American Airlines also refuses to put a piano on a commercial flight, Autopilot, Dick and Johnson's AI servant, who has overheard their conversation, offers to transport them and a piano to their destination. While Dick and Johnson are making their way downtown, moving fast through the air, Chief is polishing his wood on a train returning from the Chief's office in Washington D.C. to New York. Failing to pull their parachute in time, Dick and Johnson crash with their piano into Grand Central, breaking the glass ceiling. Chief meets the heroes in the terminal and fills them in on the mission: there is suspected extraterrestrial activity at Midtown High in Queens and the three of them must infiltrate the school undercover to investigate. Chief plans to pose as a P.E. teacher, Dick as professor Mario Dick, a history teacher who was frozen in 1995 until recently, and Johnson as unruly transfer student Scuzz McFuque. However, because Johnson is watching TV while forging Dick and Chief's paperwork, he is distracted and accidentally changes their fake names. Dick now has to disguise himself as female teacher Marianne Lou-Ellen, while Chief goes undercover as coach Days O. O. Lives. In their classes, both "coach Days" and "Ms. Lou-Ellen" struggle with their new jobs. Meanwhile, "Scuzz" already makes a name for himself as cantankerous Fuque-up and, after being reprimanded by the principal, is sent to Ms. Lou-Ellen's history class. Dick asks Johnson to help him earn the students' respect, but Johnson is too in-character as Scuzz and instead undermines the teacher's authority further, even as she uses allher teaching experience. In Chief's class, he has singled out one suspicious boy who asks to go to the restroom. Knowing that he isn't actually headed to the bathroom (and most likely not even an actual human child), it's totally cool that Chief follows him. His suspicion is confirmed as the boy appears to be headed out of the building. Along the way, Chief hears Ms. Lou-Ellen argue with Scuzz and pulls the two out of the class for a teacher-PE teacher-child-no parents-we-found-your-parents conference. Chief informs Dick and Johnson that the aliens that may operate in the school are recognizable by metal blades protruding out of the side of their arms. At this point, one of the kids in Ms. Lou-Ellen's class also asks to go to the bathroom, and the three see that they are taking the same path as the previous child and follow them into the woods outside the school. In the woods, Dick, Johnson, and Chief see the children joining more students in a clearing. Chief plans to approach the kids while Dick and Johnson hide in the treetops, but as Johnson leaps up, he rips Chief's shirt off, revealing that he is one of the aliens as he has razor like blades at the side of his arms. As Chief chats with the children, it becomes clear that they are members of a closely related, but physically smaller alien race called Ki'ids that serves as soldiers and are on earth without permission. Chief is an alien warchief who has come to return the deserters. From their vantage point, Dick and Johnson have not noticed Chief's alien features, but realize that the conversation is not going well. They jump down to his aid, but hesitate when realizing his true nature. Chief quickly fills the two in on his mission and together they start beating up, slashing through, and dismembering some Ki'ids. During the battle, Dick chases one of the aliens into its spaceship. He manages to take out the creature, but accidentally activates the ship's autopilot, sending him into space. With the help of Autopilot, Johnson and Chief take off as well and attempt to track their lost friend. Meanwhile, back on earth, the Chief poses as the school's new principal to give a completely plausible explanation for all the unusual events. Traveling faster than light, Dick experiences unbelievable spacetime phenomena and eventually lands on the aliens' home planet. Now in their true, insectoid looking form, the creatures declare that they will take Dick hostage to blackmail earth for its resources. Dick agrees to follow his captors without resisting in order to get some Ki'id clothing to replace the women's underwear and plain tank top he found in the ship and has been wearing so far. Johnson controls Autopilot to go into hyperdrive in pursuit of Dick, and he and Chief land on the planet as well, guns blazing. Supported by the massive weaponry installed into Autopilot—now nicknamed Autobot—Chief and Johnson fight their way through a seemingly endless swarm of aliens. As the movie Blade is playing in the background, Chief rips off more bladed arms, while Johnson jumps from alien arm to alien arm in the style of a literal blade runner. Dick, who has been locked in a prison cell, hears the sound of battle and Johnson's call and breaks out. Reunited, Dick and Johnson take on the personas of Ms. Lou-Ellen and Scuzz once more and take the Ki'ids to school. As the two and the coach tear through their opponents, Autobot flies in to take them back home. Chief asks Dick and Johnson's help in wiping out the Ki'ids once and for all before returning to earth, and so the three commit genocide by dropping a nuke, creating a singularity in the planet's core, and throwing the last Ki'id off a cliff, leaving no survivors. On their way back to earth, Dick and Johnson extensively "study" Chief's alien physiology, specifically the differences in their genitalia. After checking back in with the Chief, who has taken a liking to his new job as high school principal, the trio decides to go into their undercover characters again, put on disguises, and have authentic New York style pizza with the Chief. At a school assembly, they all reveal their true identities. Also Vanessa Carlton is there. Inspired by the taste of true New York cheese pizza, Chief decides to join the celebratory spirit in the traditional warchief way, by punching Dick. Behind the Scenes In a post-credits scene, Chief retires from his position of chief of police and opens a pizzeria called Chief's Cheese Triangles, where customers get thrown out if they do not refer to pizza and pizza slices as cheese circles and triangles. Dick and Johnson go see Hamilton on Broadway and enjoy the city by partying for four days straight, going sight-seeing, and relaxing in their hotel room.